Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
