I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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