Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
