Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im holly from the hills drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
