hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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