She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
