Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
