haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
