Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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