one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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