i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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