I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
