I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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