I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My ass is underappreciated
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
