One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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