I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
