so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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