You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
