I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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