I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
