you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
