so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
