This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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