I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
