yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
