i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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