she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
