Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
