i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
