I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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