i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
