he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
