I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
