I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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