I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
