Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
