1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
