I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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