How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
