my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
then he tried to convert me to islam
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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