Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
