she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
