wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
