I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
