i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
