If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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