I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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