I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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