they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
