So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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