I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
