Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
