My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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