I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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