Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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