So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
