and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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