yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm really busy with my period
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