he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
