I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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