it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
