Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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