honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
