Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
