i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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