I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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