Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
