The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
