Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
