Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will be naked everywhere
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
