he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
