you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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