we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
