I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
