I must be too annoying 4 u.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
