3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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