and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
