I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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